Did I let go when I should have?
I know…I know…the answer to the above question can only be given in hindsight or with the foresight of a mythical eagle.
Even if the answer were to be an emphatic ‘Yes!!’ when I would be sitting down at the brink of this ‘infinity pool’ called life, it would be the satisfaction of the finished, the last page of the last chapter. If you have not been in one of these endless mirages that luxury hotels keep creating to excite the bored fortunates, google ‘hotels with infinity pool’ and you will get it. They are just as finite as life is; much sooner than later. Thankfully, Life has much more to offer for you to keep swimming and exploring for a lifetime. Ha Ha!
Did I let go when I should have?
How does it matter if at the end point of life – the answer were to be a ‘No’. I could never understand the phrase, ‘with the benefit of hindsight’; Ha!…another mirage! What would I do with a ‘realisation that late in the day or life…‘Oh, I should have let go a bit early or hung on a bit more’. I guess, it would be no more disappointing than having to accept the emptiness of having nothing more to do, no more hurdle to overcome, no more choices to make, had I even done the right thing at the right time.
I did decide for myself the right thing to do – many times – but was it about the right time?
I can’t say… time flew by so fast and so many times in my little life that I stopped trying to match up to it…long back. No use trying to keep pace with the times. All these guys (times) would anyway leave you in the lurch if You do not decide what is the right thing to do. And once you decide ‘the right thing to do’, you get so lost in the doing of that right thing that you lose track of time…anyways. Time pauses for a while to watch you engrossed with what you have chosen to do. He huffs and puffs, pouts and shouts, but in vain…you are not to be distracted, you are volitionally engaged. Time feels ignored…You make time feel powerless. He slouches off, looking for someone else who values him, who does things as per times, as per norms, as per expectations. Time loves these guys. He knows they are numbed by the anxiety he injects in them. He reclaims his arrogance looking at the timekeepers beating out time incessantly and on time as if life was only about being with the times.
No! I refused to be a timekeeper and wait for the times to tell me what to do and when to do…
There is so much unknown and uncharted for me that I could again feel young and impatient. I wish I could fly – like a normal eagle, not the mythical one who has a foresight – only to see from a distance, what all is there that I will miss to explore, to know, to manage, to develop and grow. Having let go of what I was attached to for a long time, I am now free…free to identify new horizons, breach new barriers and walk on for some more time till I say goodbye to Time himself. But, that is some distance away. Ha Ha!
The above soliloquy was like a free fall I allow myself for a change till the practising manager in me presses the button for the chutes to open up. Habits die hard…my HaTaCs* were thankfully blessed with both, the need to dream and the will to execute. I always found a few who were great partners in dreaming as well as in executing. I did not create them and hence, I will always find many more. If you are one, do text me or knock on my door…for now, I have to pack up and then catch some sleep. But, I will be back soon…life is too limited to sleep longer!
*Habits of Thinking & Action