I just finished the first draft of my first book. For the last four months, it was my most passionate engagement. Anyone around me could catch me drifting back to my book every spare moment I came by. I was shameless in my pursuit of selfishness but honest. As honest as the sparrow hunting the first worm that surfaced with sunrise.
I am done with what I set out to do. Now what? Yes, I know that have to go through the final stages of finding a publisher, refining the book as best as I can and launching it for my readers. But, that is not the same as creating the book. I know that the raw product I have on my hands is the beginning of another journey. It needs to be reared with utmost care, dressed up like a doll and then presented to the outside world. But, that is not creation; that is development. What a pity! Why do I enjoy more the journey of creating roughs!
Creation is easier than facing the emptiness that envelops you once you have finished what you set out to accomplish. It is like walking up a hill through its winding track to witness a glorious sunrise. You wade through the never ending bends and inclines with your head bent down. Once in a while, you look up to see how far the destination is and wonder isn’t it as distant as the last time you peered upwards. You overcome one hurdle after another only to find another boulder looming in front of you, challenging your capabilities and capacities. But, the vision and the mental state that awaits the warmth of the sunrise makes you carry on until you reach the top. But, having reached the hilltop and soaked in the warmth one realises how temporary a milestone a task fulfilled can be.
An emptiness hangs in silence, no more pregnant with any uncertainty or opposition; One may call you successful but you feel engulfed by desolation; life has come to a standstill, rendered me purposeless. A new search has to begin not for just creating something else, but merely to fulfil the selfish need of gainful engagement. As long as I live, I need to search for something new, something that rubs off its significance on me and makes my life more meaningful. That is probably the life of a human being, unlike that of an animal. An animal is happy to go hunting to fulfil the need of the hour. Man, the perennially wanting animal is never satisfied, never satiated and ever hunting for more and more. Is that right as a way of life? I do not know. As of now, that is the only way I know. That is the only way I understand…to go beyond any expectations!
© Amit Chatterjee